Could You Leave This Face at Day Care?

In about three weeks I go back to work. In about three weeks, Jack goes into day care for about 9.5 hours. In about three weeks, I will be a nervous wreck.

But yesterday, I had a freak out...otherwise known as a panic attack. Why? Day care scared the living day lilghts out of me. What were the things I was scared about? Nothing legitimate, I assure you. When Alex and I visited the center, all the kids were well cared for, and the place had a real family atmosphere.

My fears, however they may seem unfounded, to me were very real yesterday afternoon. Will they just do the bare minimum?

1) Change the diaper, but not check to make sure his diaper isn't pinching him anywhere

2) Feeding time, just feed the Fudge and not talk and coo to him, or touch his feet in a loving way

3) Burping - this scares me the most. Will they burp him right? He needs to be kept upright for 45 minutes after a feeding at minimum.

4) When he wakes from his naps, will they play with him? Make faces? Talk to him? Or just leave him down in his crib and let him stare up at the ceiling?

I wished so much that one of the grandparents could watch him instead. Yes, it's day care, which means he will not get that one on one attention. Even animals need one on one attention.

I called my sister and cried. Mostly to vent and ask her when I can start dropping him off at her place since she's a stay at home mom. But I know it won't be for a while longer. Also, she's got Kate to contend with...feeds every two hours.

I will be making at least two dry runs of dropping him off at day care this month, but I think I will stick around those two days at the day care and see what kind of care/activities go on in the infant room just for my peace of mind.

In the meantime, I am devising a way to have Jack cared for at home with a family member. I didn't think I would feel this way about day care. I know they will take good care of him. The place came highly recommended by a co-worker who has two sons there and has been using them for years. She loves it.

It's not that I don't want to return to work. I just want Jack to be with family if at all possible instead of total strangers.