I am a moron to the nth degree with a capital 'N'.
I was sitting on the couch with Jack while Alex was vacuuming around the house. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the kids' bedroom door moving as if it was being moved by a cross breeze in the house. The problem was, we had the air conditioning on, therefore no windows open, and no cross breeze to speak of....so then, what the heck was making that door move?
Jack has never liked the vacuum. And today, though he knows what it's for and that the loud noise coming from it is okay, he still jumps onto the couch in half fun, half real fright whenever the vacuum in turned on.
Ben on the other hand, seems to hold a fascination with the machine. He does not run, or is even frightened by it at all. He actually follows it around the house the entire time Alex is using it. It's pretty funny/cute.
So the above about Ben being the case, I knew it couldn't have been Ben moving the door back and forth and his head just outside my line of vision b/c he's still so short, but I had to ask and confirm with Alex anyway.
"Is Ben with you in the kitchen?" I asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh my God!!!" I jump out of my seat and quickly run over to the other side of the living room.
"What?! What? What happened? What's wrong?" Alex freaks out along with me, reacting to my behavior.
"Th..the door! Something is moving that door!" I manage to say.
Then with a look of total disbelief and disgust, Alex says, "you're such an idiot! It's the cord! The vacuum cord is plugged in their room behind the door and moving as I was moving it back and forth all the way in the kitchen!"
A minute later, we laughed. I laughed at myself for being such a poodle. I feel incredibly stupid, idiotic and embarrassed.
But there was a comical yet dark aspect to my behavior.
In my mind, I had actually perceived and believed something or someone else was moving that door back and forth and that I was in imminent danger. While I managed to 'save' myself from getting in harm's way, I had committed the unthinkable, the unmistakable, unforgivable of 'motherhood' crimes.
I saved myself, but left poor little 2 yr. old Jack on the couch to fend for himself against God only knew what was lurking behind that door to their room.
Jack became frightened...not b/c he also saw the door move by itself, but b/c he was reacting to my reaction/behavior. He looked back and forth from his bedroom door to my face, then Alex's face and back to the door again. After about 30 seconds of this and Alex adding, "you're such a dope, look what you've done to him" I rushed back to Jack's side on the couch. Jack began crying. He was clearly scared/frightened by my leaping out of my seat and tone of panic in my voice. He was consoled and we continued watching an Animal Planet special on honey bees (Jack is showing a curiosity about insects now).
"I'm sure that somewhere in your head you knew there was no real danger and that's probably why/how you didn't think to grab him. I'm sure had there been a real danger, it would have been the first thing you did." Alex tried to ease my now broken and shamed sense of self.
Would I? Would I have done the correct thing? Or would I have been selfish again? Would I have acted differently, or obeyed my selfish gene again? Would I succumb to the same selfish gene responsible for making Ben hang onto his sippy cup of milk even as he is tripping and falling to what will undoubtedly be an injury sustaining collapse (most likely to the head or face) b/c he is too greedy and selfish for food/drink to let go and save his giant Charlie Brown head from striking the floor?
Only the next vacuuming will tell. Stay tuned.
